Ping plus

There’s a famous sketch about how important it is for hospitals to have a machine that goes “ping.”  In fact, the better the ping, the more expensive your hospital.

Having returned from a hospital visit, I had the pleasure of sitting next to such a machine.  It was measuring heartbeat (hence the ping) and all sorts of other biological functions.

Just then I realized that in this era of personalized medicine, individual environments and extra-sensual coddling, we need to go beyond the ping.

Yes, beyond the ping.  Ping 2.0 if you will.

So imagine you’re in the hospital bed, and instead of that incessant ping for your heart, you could have:

“Greedeep, greedeep” of a croaking frog?

“Baa baa”

Guitar strings plucking out a tune?

“Om, Om” (or Aum Aum for you purists) in order to increase your meditative state?

Or a duck quack?

You get the picture.  Let’s have some fun.  Tell your doctor today you want the machine that goes beyond ping!  I’m sure it’ll get us better faster.


We are to Gaia, as …

Some time ago, this neat guy proposed that the Earth can be considered a living thing.  He called that “thing” Gaia.

It’s the kind of concept that some people feel is right and natural.  In fact, the concept is part of our most primitive vocabulary, as in Mother Nature.

As he was trying to convince scientists, he made his argument technical.  Most of them didn’t believe him, even though he used big words and had all sorts of evidence.

For fun, let’s embrace the concept.  First, we’ll consider all of humanity a single life form, a species.  Let’s also consider that the set of ALL species on our planet also constitutes a single life form.

Here’s the fun part.  For all of us nerds who dwell on things like AI and computers taking over humanity one way or another, consider this twist.

Humans create an AI to be our servant.  At some point that AI becomes self-aware and decides that it’s better than all the humans that created it.  At that point it harnesses all sorts of technology to systematically wipe out those humans, turning them into its servants.  The AI has become the master.


Think about Gaia as being the whole Earth representation of humanity.  It’s been around, in full flower, for a very very long time.

Now, think about humanity as the most recent creation of Gaia.  A new species that is supposed to help keep Gaia humming along for even longer.

Except something goes horribly wrong.  Gaia’s servant becomes self-aware, and decides that Gaia should be the servant, and it should become the master.  It begins waging a war upon Gaia.

Get it?  In this sense,




(We are to Gaia, as Skynet is to us.)

Singing for Sex

Driving to the gym, jamming to the tunes, and all the bands were men, all the lead singers were men, nothing but men.

And then I thought about the birds.  Especially the good singing birds.  Just like the music I was listening to, most of them are male as well.

What’s the deal?  Are you a young woman who feels a slight by the oversight?

Perhaps you shouldn’t.  It seems that music has everything to do with getting some; some sex, that is.  Yes, music can make us feel good in many other ways, but the rock bottom essential nature of music is to rock someone’s bottom.

Bad?  Good?  Neither.  Simply is.

But this knowledge means we can better understand cultures that adore certain types of music.  It means we can better explain why there are cultures that outright ban music, especially from young women.  And it means there is a darn good reason the music of your parents should not be the same kind of music you enjoy during your randy youth.

Me?  I’m sticking to Bach.


Running Joke

Our morning walk is delightful.  Down the street, into the park, back out and home.  Simple.  One way in, one way out.

A runner passed by us the other day, a lanky lad who wasn’t pushing too hard.  He had enough breath in him to say hello in response to our own greeting.

We were walking in the same direction he was running, just passing the stop sign at the corner.  He would go into the park, turn around, and come back up.  We’d see him again in a few minutes.

I smiled and we turned around, walking in the opposite direction.  After a few minutes, we turned again, approaching the same stop sign on the same corner.  And guess who was running up towards us.  You got it!

The look on his face was priceless, as he realized we were the same couple walking in the same direction we had been earlier.  He passed us, stopped, looked at his watch, looked at us again, and then kept going.

He probably thought he was The Flash, if only for a moment.  He would figure the truth out, eventually.  Being young, I’m sure he laughed and told his friends.  What an easy way to lighten the day!



No Butts, what?

Walking through a pristine park today and saw a butt: cigarette butt.

If a person thinks of their cancer stick as natural, what else might they be thinking?

  1. Nature is here for their personal pleasure, and trash container.
  2. That they are superior to me.
  3. They can beat me in a fight.
  4. They can grab my genitals, and I’ll like it.
  5. Even if I complain about 3 or 4, no one could prosecute them.

I saw the cigarette butt, thought of all this, and put it in the trash.  After all, I don’t want to start any fights.

Or do I?