There’s an apparition in my house, the scariest you can imagine.
It taunts me whenever it can. It always looks me in the eye, and reminds me that I’m rather ugly, that I’m untidy. Worse, it keeps telling me that I’m getting old, older, oldest. If I look away, it reminds me that I’m getting flabby, or gray, or worse.
It only appears in certain rooms, so I tend to avoid those rooms. It only speaks when there’s sufficient light, so I have no problem keeping my house dark.
Full disclosure here, I’m not a vampire.
I don’t play one as an actor, and I’m pretty sure I don’t sleep-vamp. I’m also good with sunlight, even though I prefer moonlight. Topping it off, I’m totally ok with garlic. I love garlic.
You see, my house doesn’t have many mirrors. Sure, there’s one in the bathroom. But it’s only there to make sure I don’t slice off my nose while shaving, or that I’ve scraped my tongue correctly. That’s about it.
I’m convinced that the mirror is one of the greatest sources of life’s stress. Every time I peer into my own eyes, I can only see what’s wrong, and what’s going wrong, and what can go wrong.
I’ve heard of people who become so worried, so stressed out while looking in the mirror, they spend HOURS peering into its seductive message. I’m pretty sure none of those people are truly happy.
What was it like before? You know, before there were mirrors everywhere? I have a feeling people were a bit messier, but also happier. First of all, your friends would get your face in shape, so that’s social. And you wouldn’t spend all that alone time faced with your greatest fear.
Because that’s what your mirror delivers. You’re looking into a cold, glassy surface that reflects your own image back into your eyeballs. Your hopes, your dreams, your accomplishments aren’t there. Only you. Just like when you’re lying there in a coffin, unable to move, with all your friends and a few enemies coming to pay their last respects.
You’re cold, and stiff. You might as well be made of glass.
So the next time you glance at yourself in your favorite mirror, give yourself a big smile.
It may be your last.