Ping plus

There’s a famous sketch about how important it is for hospitals to have a machine that goes “ping.”  In fact, the better the ping, the more expensive your hospital.

Having returned from a hospital visit, I had the pleasure of sitting next to such a machine.  It was measuring heartbeat (hence the ping) and all sorts of other biological functions.

Just then I realized that in this era of personalized medicine, individual environments and extra-sensual coddling, we need to go beyond the ping.

Yes, beyond the ping.  Ping 2.0 if you will.

So imagine you’re in the hospital bed, and instead of that incessant ping for your heart, you could have:

“Greedeep, greedeep” of a croaking frog?

“Baa baa”

Guitar strings plucking out a tune?

“Om, Om” (or Aum Aum for you purists) in order to increase your meditative state?

Or a duck quack?

You get the picture.  Let’s have some fun.  Tell your doctor today you want the machine that goes beyond ping!  I’m sure it’ll get us better faster.


I believe you

We finished watching a Korean drama, and in between segments managed to catch a few commercials.  I learned that I can save a lot of money in 7 minutes on my car insurance.  That I should get a certain cable upgrade because I’ll have faster internet.  And that the VA hospital system is a great place to work.

Because I watch streaming content, I’m exposed to a small fraction of what most see.  Yet in those few minutes I’ve already been drowned in a whole bunch of hooey.  Will I really save that much by checking someone else’s car insurance?  Only if I’m willing to give up some of the service I already receive.  Things like having a phone number to call if I’m in trouble.  Or getting a deductible lower than $5,000.

What about the cable company?  I can always believe what they say, right?  I’m already convinced the cable company is slowing down my internet as it is.  Why should I pay them even more so that they can speed it up again?  Sounds like extortion to me.

And is the VA hospital really that great a place to work?  My guess is that they are doing some public relations damage control for new hires.  I’m sure the doctors are all good and mean well.  But the reputation of the hospital overall has been on life support for a few years now.  Talk to any vet in the system; there’s room for improvement.

And these commercials are the tip of the iceberg.  There’s energy drinks, super chic clothing, shoes that will get you noticed, beer that will get you a date, and perfume that will get you, well, married.  Where will it end?

It’s only going to end when the targets get smart, like they used to be.  Way back when, whacky commercials didn’t get the customers.  Now there’s super sex appeal, highly engineered images, and sophisticated market research that goes into most ads.  It’s hard to fight that kind of technology, but fight we must.  The more we give up our brains to satisfy our emotional needs, the less human we become.  We are fodder for the economy, like a crop to be harvested.  And that’s just dumb.



Tim Armstrong, pick on someone your own size!

Armstrong tried to wrest a few more dollars out of his workforce the other day by making some excuses.

The big excuse (and his big mistake) was picking on a few babies.  One of the babies was born premature, weighing about 1 pound and delivered after only 5 months of pregnancy.  The bill that AOL got was about 1 million dollars.

I don’t blame Tim for yelling about the bill.  That’s outrageous.  But what’s even more outrageous to me is that he BLAMED THE BABIES!

They didn’t have anything to do with it Tim!  Why don’t you pick on the insurance company, or the hospital, or whoever else is actually billing you that outrageous amount???

What is it with today’s egoistic megalomaniac leaders?  They find it easier to pick on those without voices, and leave the true culprits alone.

Help me with this one.  I’m ready to retire… to the moon.