These Things GUARANTEE Long Lasting Mind-Blowing Sex

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A previous post noted how the #MeToo movement should discuss what goes into the making of sexual assault, prompted by an online article.

Two people going on a date, and the date ends badly.  Badly enough that it ends up in the papers.  So sad.

It happens a lot.  It also happens that most young people don’t have any of the same rules in place that existed a hundred years ago.

I’m not saying that’s bad or good.  Lots of things are changing today, and fast.  But lets look at three things that could have guaranteed that the two people in the article would have either 1) ended their date much earlier on a happier note, or 2) found each other far more appealing leading to great physical activities and even more dates.

Here’s the three things.

Compassion:  This is all about being part of the other person’s pain, sympathizing, empathizing, and sharing.  Lessening pain is a great deal of what being in a relationship is all about.  The greatest of pains is being alone.  Our species is designed to be in a group, and the best group is two people.  It’s also the best way to get to know the inside of someone’s head.

Sensitivity:  This goes beyond compassion in that it keeps you from talking about yourself instead of them.  It means you try and dig deeper so that you can truly understand the deepest parts of your future lover’s heart.

Respect:  This is the other end of sensitive, because it works like your emotional seat-belt.  We have urges to help, especially those we wish to fall in love with.  Men generally try to fix problems with advice; “You should tell your mother this!”  Women tend to try and dig deeper, encouraging as much talk as possible; “What were your ex girlfriend’s feelings?”  Leave them alone.

These three things are the key to begin learning about someone.

Each of these requires you to listen, to learn, to have empathy, and lots of patience.

And for goodness sake, restraint.  Do you want a long term relationship or just a warm body for the night?  Don’t go taking your clothes off until you can be absolutely sure that the other person has the same purpose as yours.

Good luck!

 

Pride and Prejudice: Entail and Entitlement

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Jane Austen took on some major themes in her work.  One of those was biology, and I’ll get around to that one of these days.

Another was “the entail.”  It’s a subject that drives Mrs. Bennet crazy because it means she’ll be destitute when Mr. Bennet dies.  Of course, she has to live longer than Mr. Bennet, as he reminds her so well.  Of course course, he may want to die first!

The first few times I read the book, I glossed over the entail as archaic and unimportant.  I have a feeling most people treat it this way.

Then I learned what it was, an English law that passed property to male relatives, and understand it better in terms of motivating Mrs. Bennet, and Jane Austen.  Female suffrage and our society’s slow realization that women are people have made such laws obsolete.

However, now that I’m over-analyzing Jane and P&P, I see something else.  This is not an archaic law that Jane describes, it is a fundamental flaw in human character.  And my first clue to this came from etymology.

Whether you use an online site, or the OED, or your old-fashioned dictionary, learning the story that sits behind a word is fun.  Much fun than 99% of today’s video.

Look up entail, and you get a legal transfer of property going back to the 1300s.  Look up entitlement, and you get something similar, dating back to the 1400s.  Mrs. Bennet was complaining about people who get something of value without working for it.  She and her daughters (and staff) work the property, taking care of it, improving it.  Mr. Collins does nothing, and yet he’s destined to inherit Longbourn.

Here’s the fun part.  Mrs. Bennet is complaining about the entail.  The entail represents entitlement.  Today, entitlement is called welfare in many forms: for the poor, for the elderly, and for the military-industrial complex.  Getting lots of money for little or no work.  What a tough life!

Who complains about this kind of government sanctioned transfer of value without requiring work?  Today it’s “conservatives.”  In entertainment, go back 50 years to a television character called Archie Bunker.

Mrs. Bennet is the original Archie Bunker.  Mr. Collins is the original “meathead.”  And the social commentary she (Mrs. Bennet and Jane Austen) makes is the same that today’s staunch conservatives like to shout about.

Jane Austen, still relevant after all these years.  What a gal.

 

 

Pride and Prejudice: Romanticism

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Full disclosure my friends, I’ve got a crush on AustenJane Austen.

Yes, it’s a bit awkward, my being married, her being dead.  But my wife introduced us while I was innocently watching a movie derived from P&P.  So it’s her fault.

I’m stalking Jane by studying P&P like a crazy man.  I’ve read it a bunch of times, and I’m reading it slowly now because (more confessions) I’m writing a novel using P&P as a template.  There’s some role reversals going on, and I never liked how Jane treated Mrs. Bennet, so that’s being tweaked.  I’m making it a bit more modern, like 1980, and I’m having fun.  As a result I’m putting each sentence under a microscope.  I feel like I’m getting a glimpse into Jane’s Brains every now and then.

The point of today’s post is about the romantic movement.  The whole idea was not getting all literal and detailed, but focusing on emotions and relationships.  It’s a great idea, and painters had a lot of fun working in that genre.  It’s harder for a writer, because there is a lot of pressure to attend to silly details that don’t matter.

Examples?  What about hair color, especially for women?  What about dress length, or what someone had for dinner?  What about shoe size, or whether they have a pimple on their nose?

Jane knew all these things were unimportant details.  She left them out.  The only fashion statements she touches has to do with lace (apparently young ladies couldn’t have enough) and puffy sleeves being in fashion.  Sure, there’s Mrs. Gardiner’s dress choices as she’s fretting about visiting Pemberley, but who could blame her?

It’s quite a challenge to write in this romantic genre by today’s standards, but I’m going to try.  The fact that Jane did it so elegantly, with just the right amount of detail is only one of the things that makes her so alluring, even today.

The fact that she did this as a young woman in a society that was far from being forward thinking easily puts her into Pantheon.

That’s enough confession for now.  Let me know how you feel about Jane, and if there was anything I missed.

Now, time to re-read Chapter 27 (Volume 1, Chapter 4).  Hello Jane!

 

 

Business Behavior Lessons

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This is something I’ve wanted to do for some time.  It’s also something that I’ve been dreading to do for some time.

I’m sure many of you know what that feels like.

The time has come, however.

I’ve been a committed student of behavior since I turned 17.  It was one of those fooling youthful purpose things filled with idealism and belief in the future.

What a dork!

Not being smart enough to jump on the internet bubble, I’ve stuck to my ideals.  That’s why I’m still doing this today.

One of the very first choices I had to make was which discipline was the most advanced.  Psychology Science sounded good, but was less than a hundred years old.  Remember, I was 17 at the time, and that was over 40 years ago!

Religion has been around for thousands of years, but it’s not exactly very rigorous.  Economics was possible, but their track record was poor, even back then.  I wanted a discipline that had to know what it was doing, or it would fail.

That discipline turned out to be business.

Yes, business as a discipline for learning about behavior is a good start.  But there are some problems.

For one thing, it’s not very rigorous.  You only have to be “sufficiently” accurate in business to beat the competition.  There’s no real incentive to record your learning beyond one generation, because there is no respect for communal knowledge.

And the whole idea about sharing information with others?  Forget it.  Everything becomes competitive secrets.  So when you do develop a tool or model that beats the other guys, the last thing you do is share it.  You use it to make lots of money, eat up their market share, and then sell out for a massive profit after your IPO becomes part of your exit strategy.

That’s why I studied business, and then a lot of other disciplines.  No one discipline of study was the best, each had its benefits.

That said, I went into business.  I learned some things.  And one thing I learned is that business people are bad at sharing.  That’s why business schools make money.

Well, here’s a series of posts that are going to be all about an important business lesson that I’ve learned.  It has to deal with using commissioned salespeople in the state of Michigan.  Our company lost a lawsuit, and it’s going to cost us about a quarter million before it’s all over.

One of the many things that hurts is that this is a booby-trap that the state created, ready to be sprung on unsuspecting manufacturers by disgruntled salesmen.  Everything is biased towards the “little guy” against the big guy manufacturer.

But the law overlooks ethics.  It assumes everyone knows the law ahead of time.  And it assumes that decency and politeness count for absolutely nothing.

That’s the law.  It’s how it works.  This is my attempt at helping someone else out there who may be using “reps” (short for manufacturer’s representatives) in the state of Michigan.  If you’re interested in this specifically, follow this thread.

If you’re into business, or law, or ethics, you may also be interested.  I’m going to break this up into as many “fun” little bits that I can so it’s not too boring.

For the rest of you, please bear with me.  It’s one of those things I have to do, even though I dread it.

 

 

Beyond Alpha, Omega Man

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Going beyond Genes means looking into Heaven and Seeing ourselves.

In my last post I suggested that many people are afraid of the future, and have flocked to alpha males as leaders.

The reasons they do this are genetically based.  A million years of hanging out with alpha males can’t be wrong, right?

It can be wrong.  It is wrong.  Our current civilization has grown and thrived precisely because we have rejected the alpha male concept.

With alpha males there is no true love between young men and women.  Only the alpha male can be loved.  There is no democracy.  There is no social choice.

Alpha males bring rape.  They bring pillage.  They bring plunder.  If you like these things, then you are prone to like the alpha male.

 

What we must do is reject the alpha male concept.  Men must become greater than alpha.  We must extend all the way into omega.

Men who have alpha characteristics have the greatest challenge of all.  They must have the self control to contain those impulses.  They must focus their great energy into areas that will benefit society, not themselves.

We have the knowledge to understand why alpha males exist.  We have the technology to understand where these impulses come from.  And we have the understanding to control those primitive impulses, channeling them for the good of everyone, not just a select few.

So, to all males out there, seek to become omega.  If you are an alpha, learn to channel your “alphaness” into “omeganess.”  All of us will be glad you did.

 

Code Alpha

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Would you vote for this man?

There is great uncertainty in our world.  You feel it in your bones.  Lots of people on the planet.  Too much information about your friends, and way too much about people labeled friend.  News media that keep screaming about one thing or another.  Poison in our air, water, food, even in our medicine.  What do we do?

We are afraid.  When we are afraid as children, we run to the safety of strong arms, our mother and father.  When things are really bad, we want the strength of a man, an alpha man.

Part of us is always looking for him.  The heroes of comic books and the big screen are always men that are strong and powerful.  Young women know this all too well, they flock to the few young men that exude power and strength.

Even other men know this.  Strong men tend to have lots of man friends, but man friends who are secondary, willing to live within the alpha shadow.

Why do we flock to the alpha male?  Probably from millions of years of evolution.  Our ape and chimp cousins do the same thing.  The alpha keeps the group together.  The alpha battles for supremacy, and then he has the most children.

No problems with politics.  Once a younger buck comes along who can knock the alpha down, then there’s a new alpha in town. He gets the tribe, he gets the chicks.  No one cares where the old alpha goes, he’s toast.

Under the alpha male system, you have to live with certain things.  I wrote about that earlier, so we won’t worry about it here.

The reason we don’t use an alpha male system today in most of the world is because of one of the most powerful behavioral forces of all time, love.  I wrote about that as well, so it doesn’t need to go here.

Today we see the rise of many alpha males as leaders: Trump, Putin, and Erdogan.  One of the things that surprised me about the rise of Trump was how many women preferred him over a woman.  Talking to them reminded me of the alpha male complex.

All these women respect strong men, in fact they prefer them.  A strong man gives them a sense of security in the future.  It doesn’t matter if that strong man doesn’t care about them, lies or cheats or steals.  All that matters is that he is strong.

No doubt you also know women like this.  Even though they leave a bad relationship involving a strong man, they end up back in another alpha male’s arms.

We’re seeing the same thing today.  Only these alpha males really are at the top of the pyramid.  And we can partially blame our genes.

Let’s hope that this time around, the alpha games don’t end as badly as history suggests they will.

Pure Human

Adults can teach them so much, but we can learn from them as well.

When I’m given the opportunity, I prefer playing with kids.

Watching Dad fight his way back from another broken back, clawing at life itself trying to delay the onset of the inevitable is both heart-wrenching and inspiring.

When I’m playing with kids, I wonder what they’ll be doing in their last years of life.  Will they have the resources to assist them?  Will they be given the same kind of fortitude necessary to fight their last battle to the bitter end?

I always treat kids with a great deal of respect.  Try to understand them, play with them at their level, with generous doses of extra fun.  I act silly, because they seem to enjoy seeing an adult doing silly things.  Things like puffy cheeks, moving tongues, cross-eyes, making coins disappear, rolling in the dirt.

At least they think I’m an adult.  Most adults consider me a giant kid.

But kids are the purest form of human on this planet.  At their age, they can absorb massive amounts of information many times that of an older person.  Their minds are only just starting to model the world around them, and I enjoy helping them form those models so that they are robust, with a small dose of magic for fun.

The only prejudices they carry are those they’ve already learned from parents and peers.  Gender preferences, aversion to spice or dirt, even playing with their food can be formed before they are the ripe old age of one.  Too bad.  The great wild world is already being closed off for them.

But watching those prejudices, and carefully playing at their edges is also part of the fun.  Teaching kids to be skeptics should be part of everyone’s curriculum.

Of course, playing with gravity is already on the syllabus.  It’s one of the first items for every baby who sits in a high chair.  And it’s one of my favorites as well.  Try it now, go ahead, just drop something for fun.

The kids represent our future, they are the ones who will take over as we fade away.  These pure humans will be slowly trained, constrained, contaminated both mentally and physically, and then finally make their way into the wild where they have to prove their economic and social worth.  That’s a lot of stress to put on someone.  By the time they make it through, they just aren’t the same person as when they started out.

We battle the forces of darkness for their sake, not ours.  Dad doesn’t realize it, but his battle is also their battle, tomorrow.  It’s up to you and me to connect the dots, and learn from my Dad in order to help them.

So, enjoy life, play with the kids, and always,

Remember the children.

They are why we fight to survive today.

Who moved my Jam

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We have a morning ritual, I make breakfast.  It’s simple, and I have a system.

Where did it go?

Except.

Every now and then I reach into the fridge to grab the jar of home-made jam for our home-made bread.  Yum yum.

If it’s where it’s supposed to be, I can get it with my eyes closed.

If it’s not there, I have to start looking.  And looking.  And looking.

While I’m searching the shelves, bottom to top, front to back, I think about our brains.  I know, it sounds gross, but it keeps my mind off the lost jam!

After all, this is her fridge.  She uses it way more than I do.  She may have had a good reason for moving the jam.  She may not have even thought about it.

But there’s also that man woman thing.  After all, we know women are more likely to use landmarks for navigation, give directions using relative movements, and are much better suited to shopping and gathering versus targeting and hunting.

Of course these are gross generalities, but I’m still looking for that jam!

This isn’t saying that the way a woman organizes, or looks for things is bad, or good.  It’s just different.

  1. The good thing about the way a woman stores things is that it forces local familiarization.  She notices when that old store has changed its awning.  I didn’t even know it had an awning.
  2. It’s harder to become disoriented, especially when you’re juggling so many other tasks.  Kids screaming, you dropped the purse, and a friend just yelled at you from behind?  No problem, you still know you’re by the library heading to the drugstore.
  3. It’s easier to give directions to another person, like a friend who is also shopping.  A woman can say, “Go to the shoe store that’s next to the record store.”  The man would have to say, “Go 2 blocks North then turn East one block, North one more block and West 4 blocks and it’ll be the 5th store on the South side of the street.”

All said and done, the woman’s way requires more brain power.  That’s probably why men don’t like it.

It’s also probably why I can’t find the jam.  I’ll ask my wife when she comes down.  For now, I’ll start making toast.

PETH

There’s a group of extremists who practice guerrilla warfare against those they feel treat animals unethically.

They throw blood on those who wear fur.  They terrorize researchers who run experiments on mice.  I’m sure there’s many other things that they do, but that’s not my point.

My point is that we have to get these guys to expand their horizons.  People are animals, too.  Hasn’t anyone taught them that?  People, according to most people, are even more than animals.  We have souls.  And bank accounts.

If the people who are against the unethical treatment of animals are truly on the side of animals, then why don’t they include people in the mix?

Here’s their dilemma.  If they DON’T include people under their protective umbrella, they are then admitting that PEOPLE are special.  People are different than animals, perhaps even better.  That explains why animals need a special militant arm of defenders.

If they DO include people under their ethical treatment umbrella, then they have a whole ‘nother dilemma.  THAT dilemma would mean they have to start DEFENDING people against unethical treatment.  This would include harassing people based on their own research.  It would include children who are being slowly tortured by people who should never be allowed near them.  It would mean that they could even target politicians who put personal gain ahead of their constituents.

Will this happen?  Will there ever be an organization that is dedicated to the ethical treatment of people as well as animals?  It’s a nice thought, but I doubt it will happen.

There’s a good chance that the members of such groups are in them only because it gives them a mission that seems righteous.  Talking to one of them and challenging their belief system amounts to challenging someone about their religion.

And I’ve already learned, no one likes to be challenged.

Maybe that would be unethical.

 

Ms. Socrates

The last time I mentioned Socrates, I was applying for his job.  In my humble opinion, Socrates was the greatest teacher the world has ever seen.  His philosophy was fairly good, and still works for the most part.  The fact that he also showed us how to use logical reasoning properly, laying the groundwork of the Renaissance and the Scientific Revolution wasn’t bad either.  Overall, not a bad looking resume.

The fact is, very few great men could be as great as they were if it weren’t for help from others.  Their parents for one thing.  Perhaps the most understated assistant to history’s greatest names are the spouse.  Who cleaned up after Pasteur?  His wife.  Who kept Einstein happy when he was a struggling clerk?  His wife.  First wife.

Which brings us back to Socrates.  He was married.  Had two kids.  But I’m guessing that his family didn’t really have an interest in his work.  After all, what wife or teenagers want their very foundations of reality shaken?

Especially wives.  Telling a spouse that they do something wrong, whether it’s big or small, is not great marriage advice.  Please don’t rinse the dishes BEFORE you put them in the washer.  Why do you leave water in the saucepan?  Put the jam in the SAME place in the fridge each time so I don’t have to search every time.

On the other hand, Ms. Socrates had to work hard so that Socrates could spend quality time with his students.  If she’d been less supportive, Socrates may have spent more time fishing, or practicing some kind of paying trade so that her kids had more toys.

Instead, she worked hard with less.  She made sure her kids were loved and nurtured enough even though their father was busy with things they didn’t understand.

I’m thinking this may be important because, if I ever do get the job of Socrates 2, then my best friend / wife could feel the same way.  I’m pretty sure she’d be the perfect helpmate.  She may not really care about these things, she certainly doesn’t like being challenged, and I learned long ago to never complain about how she does things.  Certainly makes being married that much easier.

But frankly, I don’t think I could do the job without her.  Don’t think I’d want to.  After all, all this work is designed to try and save the world.  But if she’s not in it, the world may simply not be worth it any more.

So, hats off to all you supportive spouses.  And a tip of my toga to Ms. Socrates.  Thank you for helping us all out.

Tusok