Stories are ways of playing in our behavior sandbox. This one’s risque, but based on natural fact. Humans are built to have sex for fun. Most humans.
Two men sat at the bar, very late. They’re strangers, but Carol, the friendly young bartender chatted with them and served them the same drink on the house. So they talk.
Alan was an older doctor, with insane work hours. His much younger second wife must have missed him terribly, because he’d discovered her in bed with two other men.
Ben was younger, rugged, larger, and reluctant. Alan insisted, looking for anything amusing, refusing to believe that Ben’s story was sadder than his.
Ben glanced at the bartender. She smiled back from the other end of the bar. “I have to move again,” he said sadly, “because of her.”
“I knew you knew her. Girlfriend?”
“No, and I don’t know her,” said Ben. “I only see her here, for months. But I know women, and she wants to take me home tonight.”
“Why is that a bad thing?”
“Because I want to go with her. I haven’t been with a woman since the last city. Months.”
“That’s crazy. Why should you have to move?”
“I know it’s crazy, but it’s the way it is. Look, I’m not smart like you. I get a grunt job where I can make a half-decent living and settle in. Eventually I need a woman, I just do. I find one, or she finds me, we hit it off, and we end up in bed.”
“Still not a problem.”
“She gets pregnant. Carol will get pregnant tonight.”
“Now you’re crazy.”
“Maybe.” Ben downed his whiskey. “But it happens every time. Seems most animals have sperm that works, first time, every time. People don’t, so they can have sex a lot. I got animal sperm.”
“What about contraceptives, birth control, diaphragms, off-period?”
“Doesn’t matter. My sperm even figures out how to break through a condom.”
“Done twice already. Somehow the tubes fix themselves. Doc wanted to write it up but I bugged out.”
“Can’t do it fast enough. Somehow the sperm knows.”
Alan sipped, thinking. Carol chatted them up, poured Ben another, stroked his hand, and went to work the other side. Alan looked up at Ben.
“Have you thought about going gay? I mean, it’s kind of fashionable nowadays.”
“Yeah, thought about it, but not my style. No, I love women, but I can’t have em. I go as long as I can and then, wham, bam, here’s your baby ma’am, moving on.”
Alan slapped down a c-note, told Ben the drinking was on him, and that he appreciated the story. He left, found a hotel room, and slept well.
He kept visiting that bar for several months afterwards, and Carol did indeed get larger in the tummy. He never saw Ben again.