Purse Intelligence

As a boy-child growing up among man-children, I took pride in being disdainful of feminine things: Curly hair, dainty clothing, jewelry, excessive face painting.

As a man-child I now appreciate a few feminine things as having some influence on my manliness.  However, I have been long mystified by the purse, that bag every woman carries.  I have seen the purse since birth.  A woman without that accessory only heightens my suspicion.

By the way, we are not talking about pursing your lips.  That’s another story.  No, this is all about the bag, the big bag, the big, sometimes extremely expensive bag.  The bag that comes in thousands of different shapes, sizes, and quality of manufacture.

The few times I have entered the anarchy that is a woman’s purse (always with her permission) have been fraught with anxiety.  I get lost in the tumble of devices, containers, papers, and what-not.  The range of what is in a purse never ceases to amaze me either: medicine and makeup to slips of paper from years ago.

There are the purses themselves.  They can be bought for a few dollars, and last a few days, to those that cost thousands yet last a lifetime.  Macho brain wonders, why?

The answer to my macho organization problems was to buy a beautiful black portfolio case.  Over a dozen zippered pockets, totally black on black, looks great.  Holds everything I could want, from pocket knife and phone and pens and notepads and computer and cords and on and on.

Then I started really using it.  Guess what?  I couldn’t find stuff quickly at all.  Putting a black phone into a black bag with black pockets means it becomes invisible.  Try finding an invisible phone when you’re in a hurry.

My solution?  I started carrying a flashlight.  Yup.  Can’t find something, find your flashlight first and then start looking.  Aaaargh.

Not too long ago, I actually lost something sentimental for a few weeks, and finally found it.  My moment of jubilation was quickly overwhelmed by this realization.

OMG.  If this was simply one big pocket it would be so much easier.  I instantly realized what I was thinking.  If this was a purse, it would be easy.  OH NO!

Here’s my macho confession.

Women’s purses are smart.  Making it one big bag means that you know where everything is, even if you have to dig for it every time.  There aren’t a dozen little pockets where you can hide things.

One big bag means that it’s easier to make.  One big bag means that you can be creative with the outside so it matches your outfit, your mood, and your personality.  And most importantly, one big bag means that it’s easier to find things.  Everything.

Women already knew this.  They knew this all along.  They’ve probably known this since the invention of the first purse, some thousands and thousands of years ago.

And I finally figured it out.

Now, that’s intelligence.