Last month the big geopolitical news was that Ukraine was imploding. Russia, led by their intrepid Czar, Vladimir “bare chested” Putin, swooped in to save the Crimea. What were they saving the Crimea from? From the Crimeans, apparently. Over the last decade or so, Russia has been moving in many Russians for business and military reasons. Those Russians felt in danger, so luckily the Russian military has arrived to liberate and protect those poor people. The fact that the Crimean legislature has decided to secede from Ukraine and join Russia is mere coincidence.
Let’s look at the BIG picture for a moment. Please, step back from your computer. There you go. The big picture is this – Russia has always wanted Crimea. They also wanted Afghanistan, but that didn’t go over as well. The last time Russia made a play for Crimea was around 1850. They had to give it back a few years later. The reason? They want it for the beaches. Really. The Crimea has access to warm water all year round. Good for your tan, Vladimir. Also good for your Navy.
Back in 1850, rising political pressure forced Russia to go home. Today’s takeover is only a few months old, but the political pressure is already starting to rise. You can tell how excited Putin is about the takeover by how hard his nipples are in those pictures. Right after the takeover, very excited. Today’s pictures, not so much. Why?
Well, the Russian stock market is taking a hit. Who has their money in Russian stocks? Rich Russians, that’s who! How much money are Putin’s pals going to lose before they start calling Vlad up in the middle of the night? The conversation probably sounds like this: “Hey, Vladdy, what’s the deal? My dacha and my devushka are ditching me because I had to sell the two yachts! Even my wife is getting upset! Do something!”
Stocks aren’t the only pressure our modern society brings to bear on the Bear of Russia. We are starting to freeze the bank accounts of Rich Russians and Russian companies. Very inconvenient, don’t you know. How would you like to jet off to London or New York and find that you can’t withdraw a million from your bank account? Now you have to carry all that in cash – and you KNOW how bulky that stuff is!
So, if you’re crying for Crimea, hang on to your babushka. This is only the beginning. For the rest of us, sit back and enjoy the Putin Show. I’m not “Putin” you on! (Sorry.)