Invisible Tools: Relatives

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Does your family have a crazy uncle?

Perhaps you have a cousin?

Don’t assume everyone has a cousin.  As families shrink, as the human population contracts (and it will) the chances of having a cousin will shrink.

Having a cousin used to mean you shared a grandparent with that person, usually two grandparents.

In today’s society, with halves and steps and mixing of marriages, there’s a chance your cousin is in name only.  You may not share an ancestor within a thousand years of each other.

However, that’s not the point.  In a biological sense, we are all related.  That’s the whole point of being a species.  Humans are part of a single species we call humanity.  Everybody within a species is supposed to be able to marry anyone else within the species.  Please don’t try to marry someone outside your species!

Some scientists say that modern humans may have married Neanderthals back when they still rented rooms in Europe.  If that’s true, and they had kids, then they must also been part of our species.

No other animal has special names for relatives.  The most family other animals care about is Mom, Dad, and Kids.  And for most other animals, once the kids are adults, they aren’t part of the family anymore.

Humans seem to be unique in this way.  We keep track of aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, second cousins twice removed, and possibly even more.  In some languages there’s a word for my mother’s father’s brother.

What’s the benefit of tracking these relationships?

Power.  Pure and simple.  If you can name someone that can help you get what you want, then you are better off.  If you didn’t know who your cousin was, then you couldn’t go to them in order to ask for help.

Of course, the downside of relatives is a bit the same.  If a relative is a pain in the butt, and tends to drag you down, then you’d be better off without them.  We “forget” them.

The good news is that, on average, having relatives has been a good thing.  And thanks to another tool called marriage, we can increase our number of relatives by adding “-in-law” to their name.  We do that because it tells us that the bond is through marriage, and may not be as strong as a more direct biological connection.

So the next time your relative calls you up and asks for a favor, think of it as an advantage, not a nuisance.  At least do this a few times.

After that, read them the riot act.  Let’s face it.  They’re not going to change.

 

Invisible Tools: Marriage

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Ever thought about what the world would be without marriage?

Wait a minute.

Silly me.   I thought this would be a thought experiment.

We’re already doing this.  Women are empowered, Men are “depowered,” and the implications clear.

Women and men get married later in life, and those marriages last fewer years.  Regardless of marital status, couples are having fewer children.

Marriage is no longer standard, it’s an option.

That’s too bad.  Because way back when, in the days before primates climbed trees, families had begun taking care of their young even after they’d left the egg.

Primates came along, and the young stayed young even longer.  Mom stayed with her child for many years.  That Mom and that child would even identify each other, even when that child was an adult.

The primate Dad was a different story.  He was probably the alpha male.  He probably was the father of that child, because he would have killed the child of another male.  And Mom?  She was only one of many other wives.  That’s how alpha male societies work.

There are downsides.  For one thing, if a new alpha male comes along, then he also has access to all the old wives.  One of the first things he’ll do is get rid of all the other young males.  If you’re a mom, you don’t like that.

So there’s a push among moms to have one husband.  That’s where pair bonding comes in, another great invention.

But for males that like to be social, that can be a problem.  Social males like to have many friends.  And if those friends are female, what of it?  And if that female is feeling lonely and wants to snuggle, just a little, what’s wrong with that?  And if snuggling leads to something else, well, it’s all natural.

That’s where marriage comes in.  It’s a tool used by society to help lock down that male to that female.  It helps keep that one family together.  It’s a formal recognition of a pair bond and all the advantages it brings.

One straying married male can result in two failed families.

Did women invent marriage?  Perhaps.  But it’s unlikely that it would have become a social institution if men didn’t also see its advantages.  If you’re happily married, you know what those are.

Was it always religious?  No.  It certainly goes much further back.

Here’s the best part.  It’s a tool.  It’s a device we use to make life easier.  Instead of looking at it romantically, we should start to understand it as a tool.

Perhaps that will make all our lives easier.

It certainly will make the conversation more lively at the marriage counselor’s.

 

Invisible Tools: Family

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We love to complain about family.  It takes years of therapy to get over the phobias our parents gave us.  If we survive, then we have to endure crazy sister during holidays, or the demands of the wild brother complicating our lives in other ways.  Finally, if we’re lucky, we have to help the parents deal with their old age.

No wonder so many jettison the concept entirely and stay away.

It’s a wonder anyone wants to be in a family at all.  What in the world is the family good for in the first place?

First place.  Where did the first family come from?

We discussed how animals invented childhood some time ago.  That childhood improved everyone’s chances of survival.  It must have worked quite well for humans, because we have the longest “childhood” of all animals.

For all animals with a childhood, their family exists for as long as the children are home.  Yes, the children can be birds, and the home can be a nest.

The problem for these families is that they cease to exist the moment the children leave home.  When the chicks leave the nest, the family no longer exists.

Humans have the only families that exist beyond the weaning of the children.  Some families even have parents of parents living with them.  This is certainly an achievement few other species have met.

And that’s the greatest advantage of the family, the human family, sharing knowledge gathered by previous generations.  Wisdom accumulated through hard experience saves the younger members a lot of time.  They make better choices, the family does better, the children have more children, and the family thrives through the ages.

For millennia, that is how the family worked.  Then something happened.  We figured out how to transfer knowledge in a more structured format during the Renaissance.  Then we became wealthy enough so that even grand parents preferred to live on their own than with their children and grand children, usually in warmer climates.

Today’s civilized family is a poor imitation of what the family used to be.  Regardless of what is best for the individuals, the family itself has suffered.  As a society, we should think about how we treat the family and how it can work for all of us to better advantage.

We should also think about what the family may look like if we ever take our species to the moon.  After all, do we need families in space?  Do we need them any more here?

We do.  And the next installment explains why.

 

 

Invisible Tools: Childhood

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Long long ago, on a planet very far away in time, animals popped out of their eggs all ready to combat the environment so that they could grow up and make their own eggs.

That planet was Earth, and even today there are many animals who pop out of their eggs knowing exactly what they have to do to survive.  Turtles are a great example.  Mom is long gone when they scramble from their leathery egg onto the sand, looking for the welcoming ocean.  The chances of them getting there are slim, but that’s how the turtle plays the game.  Mom and Dad turtle are nowhere to be seen.

Somewhere along the line, that changed.  A stray cosmic ray, or the crazy thing we call sex mixed up the DNA so that Mom and Dad took an interest in their tiny replacements.  The replacements hung around for a while after hatching, got bigger and smarter, and then left the nest when they were ready.

Bad news for Mom and Dad, they had more work after the eggs hatched.  Ugh.

Good news for Mom and Dad, they could have fewer eggs to start with.  I guess that’s mostly good news for Mom.

The other good news for both Mom and Dad is that their offspring had much better chances of surviving long enough to have more offspring.  That means grandkids.  Or grand-eggs, I’m not sure.

The whole idea of an egg needing extra time to grow outside of the egg is gestation outside of its normal place.  I’m calling it external gestation.  We usually call it childhood, especially if it’s for childs.

A sort of generational arms race happens.  The child knows Mom and Dad are going to protect it after getting out of the egg, so it starts taking longer to grow outside of the egg.  That’s why normal primate babies take a year or so to wean off Mom, while human babies take much longer.

Modern human babies now require years of “childhood.”  I know of some that are still going through their childhood.  They live in their parent’s basement and have even celebrated 40 birthdays.

The point is that childhood is a tool.  It’s a way for the species to be better prepared for the future.  It’s better for the parents, because they don’t need to make as many kids.  It’s better for the kids, because they get helped out a lot early on when it counts the most.

So the next time you see some kids having fun, don’t be jealous that you have to toil away at the daily grind.  Appreciate the fact that they are using a tool so that their lives, and even yours, will be better tomorrow.

Now get to work.

 

 

Invisible Tools: Soul Mates

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There’s a special nerdy name for a soul mate; pair bonding.

The idea is that two organisms get together and stick together through thick and thin.

It’s very romantic to think of souls intertwining.

 

Since I can’t touch the whole soul thing, I’m going to focus on the pair bond.  It’s easier to find because, well, two beings get together and stay together.

We romanticize about it in people.  In fact, it’s the number one entertainment motif.  Two young wannabe lovers overcome obstacles and become a couple.

Notice I’m not focusing on any genders here.  That doesn’t matter unless you want offspring.  And that’s not on today’s menu.

The whole idea of having a mate for life, however, is a great idea, a great tool.

Yes, pair bonding is a tool.  Way back when, even before there were dinosaurs, something happened in something’s DNA to make it want to have a partner.  Not just any partner, but a partner that stayed around a long time.

By the way, a lifelong pair bound partner is NOT the same as a sexual partner.  Someone you meet for a moment to collect or contribute DNA doesn’t count.

This is a partner with capital P.  A partner who worries where you are when you don’t come back to the nest on time.  A partner who shares food with you when it’s particularly tasty.  A partner who hunts and gathers for you when you can’t do it for yourself.

We know people didn’t invent the concept because dinosaurs had nests that may have required warming, and that may mean they had pair bonds.  We know for sure many birds pair bond, and birds are little dinosaurs.

So, given that birds do it, and people do it, where did it come from?

Either birds and people figured it out on their own, which is very likely, or there was an ancestor animal that figured it out, and the DNA code for pair bonding surfaces every now and then.

Either way, it means that you have eyes to watch your back, and to watch over you while you sleep.  You can hunt and gather over twice as much territory, and that means better chances of having kids.

So, hurray for the pair bond!  Next time you need something to toast, try reminding everyone that pair bonding is an unappreciated tool.  Then you can go back to work on that momentary meeting you went mixing for in the first place.