A previous post noted how the #MeToo movement should discuss what goes into the making of sexual assault, prompted by an online article.
Two people going on a date, and the date ends badly. Badly enough that it ends up in the papers. So sad.
It happens a lot. It also happens that most young people don’t have any of the same rules in place that existed a hundred years ago.
I’m not saying that’s bad or good. Lots of things are changing today, and fast. But lets look at three things that could have guaranteed that the two people in the article would have either 1) ended their date much earlier on a happier note, or 2) found each other far more appealing leading to great physical activities and even more dates.
Here’s the three things.
Compassion: This is all about being part of the other person’s pain, sympathizing, empathizing, and sharing. Lessening pain is a great deal of what being in a relationship is all about. The greatest of pains is being alone. Our species is designed to be in a group, and the best group is two people. It’s also the best way to get to know the inside of someone’s head.
Sensitivity: This goes beyond compassion in that it keeps you from talking about yourself instead of them. It means you try and dig deeper so that you can truly understand the deepest parts of your future lover’s heart.
Respect: This is the other end of sensitive, because it works like your emotional seat-belt. We have urges to help, especially those we wish to fall in love with. Men generally try to fix problems with advice; “You should tell your mother this!” Women tend to try and dig deeper, encouraging as much talk as possible; “What were your ex girlfriend’s feelings?” Leave them alone.
These three things are the key to begin learning about someone.
Each of these requires you to listen, to learn, to have empathy, and lots of patience.
And for goodness sake, restraint. Do you want a long term relationship or just a warm body for the night? Don’t go taking your clothes off until you can be absolutely sure that the other person has the same purpose as yours.