Flap over Flaps

Origin humor – or – “where’d that come from?”

I have nervous fingers – busy fingers – and if I’m not driving while I’m in a car then my hands have to find something else to do.

Like right now.

My fingers fidget, then stretch.

I bend them forward, then back.  I try to make them crack.

They dilly, then they dally.  Finally they twiddle.  Does anyone really twiddle any more?

I decide to take them to the next level.

My fingers check out my hair.  Then my chin, and then the nose (outside only!).  They eventually find their way to my ears.

Ah, the ears.  The most complex part of our body.  So many goofy curves and lines, along with soft bits and slightly hard bits.  And if you explore them through touch alone, how intriguing they can be.

You can look at your own ear all you want, and even memorize what it looks like.  But when you explore it through touch it “appears” very different.

Speaking of ear touching, how much more sensual can you get without getting an X rating?  Sorry, I get distracted easily.  Besides, touching your own ear can’t be sensuous… can it?

Never mind.  We’ll save that for a later day.

For now, let’s get back to my ears.  And your ears, and everyone else’s for that matter.

Because I discovered something!  I realized that we all have some kind of hard ear flap!

No, no, no.  Not the ear lobe.  Almost everyone has a lobe.  Most people go out of their way decorating it or even enlarging it.  No, we all know about the lobe.  As far as ear parts go, the lobe gets all the glory.

What I’m talking about is the hard flap covering up the front of the ear canal.  What’s it doing there?

Hardly anyone else notices it, by the way.  How many people pierce that puppy?  Not many.  Probably because it’s so hard and stiff.

Speaking of hard and stiff, why is that?  Is it possibly some kind of wind-break designed to keep bugs and dust from entering our ears if we’re running too fast?

I doubt it.  I run about a fast as most people walk.  So what the hey is this flap for?

Quick warning here: I’m going to get all biological on you.  But only for a few words.  If you want, skip to the next section.

If you’re still with me, here’s the problem.  Biology tells us that everything about our bodies has some kind of purpose to help us survive and have babies.  Everything.

Multi-functional teeth?  So I can eat veggies and meat.

Opposable thumbs?  So I can hold a hammer and play the drums.

Big brain?  So I can live in large groups and survive in any terrain.

See the pattern?

NEXT SECTION:  So what’s with the flaps?

Look, we don’t even have a good common name for these suckers.  What are they?  And what are they for?  I really can’t see how having ear flaps makes me a better survivor.

Sure, I can see a future episode of “survivor” where the host congratulates the season’s winner like this: “Yes, Jane.  I can see how your fabulous EAR FLAPS gave you the edge!”

Alright, no survival advantage.  At least none that I can see.  That leaves only a reproductive advantage.

Hello?  What did I just say?

Here’s a visit to the fertility doctor for a young couple.

“Sorry Jim.  Sorry Jan.  The reason you’re having trouble conceiving is because of your EAR FLAPS.  Let me give you the name of a good plastic surgeon.”

No, I don’t see that happening either.

So, frankly, I don’t know what to do.  Biology can’t be wrong – they get so many other things right.  Yet, here I am, diddling with my ear flaps even as the car is parking.

So, where did these things come from?  What are they for?

That, and other pressing questions will have to wait when I get around to diddling again.  I have to get out of the car now.


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