The guidance counselor screwed his face into a Picasso print.
“Behavior,” I said.
There is no such major. How about psychology?
“Sure, sounds good. Does psychology study organizations?”
Sure, there’s Industrial Organizational Psychology, and Organizational Behavior.
“Great, and do they teach you how to lead people?”
No. For that there’s Business. And maybe Military Science.
“That sounds good too. Does they also teach what’s best for the nation?”
No, not necessarily, that would be Political Science, or maybe Philosophy. You could study those.
“Great! Do they emphasize history, and other cultures?”
Not so much. You could study History.
“But what of also studying other cultures, both those that still exist today, and those that are extinct?”
Well, for those you could use some Anthropology, Archaeology, and maybe some Ethnology for variety.
“Now you’re talking! And will those disciplines help me understand the big picture, the grand forces that help define success versus failure, growth versus death?”
That’s a tall order. No, for that you should get into economics. Yes, you’d make a great economist.
“That’s pretty cool. I’d like to be an economist. They get to be on TV all the time. Do economists also deal with what makes people really care about? Things like the meaning of life, where we come from, what this all means? You know, like what happens when we die, that sort of stuff?”
Well, no, for that you should really be studying Religion. You could become a priest, or rabbi, or mullah.
“I’m okay with that, too. After all, people give you lots of stuff. But will I also be able to study all the rules that people should live by in order to always be safe, respectful, and kind to each other? Are there enough religious rules to make everybody always kind to each other?”
Not quite. For that you’re probably going to have to study Law. Yes, the law is all about the rules that govern how we deal with each other. Yes, I can definitely see you as a lawyer.
“Nice. My father always wanted me to be a lawyer. Maybe I could be a great trial lawyer. Yeah, I’ll be a prosecutor and take on creeps!”
The counselor looked at me with a sigh of relief.
Good, I’ll put you down for trial law, he said.
He started typing away, but was thinking aloud…
First, you should start learning psychology…