Can a married man really have a mistress, or does SHE have HIM?

Let’s talk about sex bias in our culture today.  Interesting, yes?

As students of behavior we have to try and be as neutral as possible, at all times.  Who knows how our own bias may be acting to color our senses, and cloud our path to Truth?  And we want the truth!

Early this morning the radio was talking about a famous composer and “his mistress.”  I thought, that’s a pretty sight.  He had a piano, a favorite beer stein, and over in this room he has his mistress.


In any relationship people choose to be together.  Unless it’s some kind of backward “you are my property” sort of relationship, but let’s ignore those for now.  Are you in a relationship?  Do you consider your lover to be your property?  Or are you more the thankful type that thinks “my gosh, this lovely person doesn’t mind being around me and enjoys my company, I enjoy theirs, I think I’ll do something nice for them?”  I’m certainly the latter.  Still can’t believe my wife puts up with me.  Of course, anyone that knows us thinks the same thing.

We choose.  That mistress, long-dead and unnamed, chose to be with the composer.  Moreover, I’m willing to bet that she did her best to be noticed and be attractive to the man.  She probably spent time making her hair pretty, her face lovely, her clothing fashionable and her scent, divine.  We may possibly go as far as to say she SNARED him in her web!  Yes, he didn’t have a mistress, SHE HAD HIM!

So why didn’t the radio say “He was snared by a mistress?”  Does this make her sound evil and conniving?  Maybe she was?  What if they had a child?  Did he “make” her pregnant?  Maybe it was a joint decision?  Maybe SHE’S the one who made HIM with child!

And that’s the point.  To be objective observers, all we really know is that they seem to have been together long enough to be noticed, but not long enough to be considered married.  We don’t know who had the original designs on who, how they were brought together, or what kept them together.  And those are the important questions.

No, as a culture, we like to think that the men “have” their women.  Women put up with this misconception, but they know better.

Now, where’s my hot milk?  Oh yes, my wife is making it!


One thought on “Can a married man really have a mistress, or does SHE have HIM?

  1. Choice is often informed by oppression, which does not dismiss free will, but informs it. The woman who chooses a married man for fun or whim or love is not the same as one who is hanging on because she is in a dead end job and needs his occasional check to make rent.

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